It seems that baseball great Alex Rodriguez (or A-Rod as he is commonly known) knows a lot about others things besides baseball. Regardless of whether you follow the game, you have probably heard that back on July 7, 2008, A-Rod's Wife, Cynthia Rodriguez, filed for divorce in Miami, Florida.
This is the kind of divorce that had everything divorces usually need to turn into an ugly war: lots of money, including expensive homes in different states, lucrative contract rights; allegations of infidelity; a prenuptial agreement; high-priced lawyers; and last-but most important-children.
On September 18, 2008, the parties announced they had entered into a divorce settlement. As a family lawyer in Miami, Florida, I can tell you that, barring a sudden change of heart by either of them, A-Rod's divorce should be final about two weeks after the date the settlement was announced. If so, then from the date the divorce was filed until the date of the final hearing, A-Rod's divorce would have taken a grand-total of about three months from beginning to end.
So why are there people with a lot less money than A-Rod, and probably with no infidelity or even a prenuptial agreement or high-priced lawyers, languishing in divorce court for long periods of time, sometimes two or more years?
The answer lies in what they were interested in accomplishing first, and then working on the "how" to achieve what they were interested in. I'm not related to nor do I know what the Rodriguezes were thinking. But I can quote you their words as read by their attorneys in a joint press statement: "All of their decisions were based upon and guided by the best interests of their daughters."
That sentence says it all. Children and divorce: they are a great, and probably the strongest, reason to settle.
There is also the matter of legal fees. A-Rod may be rich, but I'm willing to bet that he would like to keep his money and not pay it out to attorneys and other experts. And Cynthia Rodriguez may feel the same way. The more they fight about financial issues, more they will spend on legal fees. Concentrating on finding ways to agree makes it less likely that they will become hurtful toward each other, and also less likely to make petty remarks that make it impossible for them to communicate about what they care most about and will always be linked by-their children.
Then there is the publicity. You may not be famous, but guess what? Most divorce records are usually public records, which means anyone can read your divorce file; it's just that it might not make the front page of a newspaper. There is no privacy in these matters.
A-Rod knows about baseball. But he also seems to know what's in his best interest and that of his children. And Cynthia Rodriguez knows her best interests as well-which in her case includes an interest in being financially secure after the divorce-- and that of her children -. She could have easily fallen into the trap of playing the "betrayed wife" and let the hurt and anger that usually accompanies such a label guide her through a long litigation process. She didn't.
To be able to settle, your interests don't have to always match. Each of you need only accept what the other party is interested in achieving or concerned about and then find ways to get it done so each one's interest is addressed. You can settle using your attorneys or using a mediator. To see what you face in divorce court when you go to trial, get this free Divorce Court Report.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Taking Care of the Children While Getting Divorced
If you're a parent getting divorce, it is difficult to concentrate on what's best for your children as you go through rollercoater emotions, and deal with frustration.
The bottom line is that children need help in coping with a divorce as much as (or more than) you do. Children don't have the skills to cope with their fear of the unknown, and cannot just walk away from a bad situation--they depend on you.
Mediation provides a great opportunity to settle your divorce differences as quickly as possible with a minimum of fallout for the children. But until you get to mediation or through a trial, things can get pretty difficult for you and your children.
I recently shared these resources with my newsletter subscribers to help them and their children while in the middle of a divorce--or even after the divorce:
Ten Tips For Divorcing Parents, courtesy of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
5 Simple Steps: Kids need help when parents divorce, from the Rochester, MN, Post-Bullentin.
This is information that than can help you help your children during the divorce or afterwards, and even help you focus on finding solutions to the divorce issues.
Share this list with your soon-to-be Ex-spouse, you'll both be glad and your children will love you the more for it.
Post your comments on the above resources, or suggest others you've found helpful.
Vivian
www.fldivorcemediation.com
www.viviancrodriguez.com
The bottom line is that children need help in coping with a divorce as much as (or more than) you do. Children don't have the skills to cope with their fear of the unknown, and cannot just walk away from a bad situation--they depend on you.
Mediation provides a great opportunity to settle your divorce differences as quickly as possible with a minimum of fallout for the children. But until you get to mediation or through a trial, things can get pretty difficult for you and your children.
I recently shared these resources with my newsletter subscribers to help them and their children while in the middle of a divorce--or even after the divorce:
Ten Tips For Divorcing Parents, courtesy of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
5 Simple Steps: Kids need help when parents divorce, from the Rochester, MN, Post-Bullentin.
This is information that than can help you help your children during the divorce or afterwards, and even help you focus on finding solutions to the divorce issues.
Share this list with your soon-to-be Ex-spouse, you'll both be glad and your children will love you the more for it.
Post your comments on the above resources, or suggest others you've found helpful.
Vivian
www.fldivorcemediation.com
www.viviancrodriguez.com
Monday, June 16, 2008
Changes to Florida's Custody Statute in 2008
As a family mediator, I am excited by the recent changes to Florida's "custody statute."
The Florida Legislature amended Section 61.13, which was formerly titled "Custody and Support of Children." In doing so, it did away with the word "custody" and the terms "primary residential parent" and "noncustodial parent."
I am hopeful that since parents now don't have to fight about those dreaded labels, it just might be easier to come up with a "time sharing plan."
You can see the changes at http://laws.flrules.org/files/Ch_2008-061.pdf. It takes effect on Oct 1, 2008.
What do you think? Are these changes a good thing? Or will people "fight" anyway?
Post your comments and questions here.
Vivian
fldivorcemediation.com
The Florida Legislature amended Section 61.13, which was formerly titled "Custody and Support of Children." In doing so, it did away with the word "custody" and the terms "primary residential parent" and "noncustodial parent."
I am hopeful that since parents now don't have to fight about those dreaded labels, it just might be easier to come up with a "time sharing plan."
You can see the changes at http://laws.flrules.org/files/Ch_2008-061.pdf. It takes effect on Oct 1, 2008.
What do you think? Are these changes a good thing? Or will people "fight" anyway?
Post your comments and questions here.
Vivian
fldivorcemediation.com
Thursday, May 29, 2008
How to Avoid the Emotional & Financial Stress of a Litigated Divorce
In speaking about divorce and what is the best way to resolve it with minimal litigation, I always get a lot of questions about mediation.
To provide more information easily about mediation, I created a free Report.
In "Your Divorce: Taking Control of the Outcome" you will learn what mediation is and mediation procedure, how it can help you, and much more.
You can download it free at peaceful family options
Mediation can help you avoid the emotional and financial stress associated with a litigated divorce.
With more information, you will be able to make better decisions for yourself.
If there are any topics on divorce and mediation which you would like to see explained better, you can send me an email at support@peacefulfamiyoptions.info.
Vivian
To provide more information easily about mediation, I created a free Report.
In "Your Divorce: Taking Control of the Outcome" you will learn what mediation is and mediation procedure, how it can help you, and much more.
You can download it free at peaceful family options
Mediation can help you avoid the emotional and financial stress associated with a litigated divorce.
With more information, you will be able to make better decisions for yourself.
If there are any topics on divorce and mediation which you would like to see explained better, you can send me an email at support@peacefulfamiyoptions.info.
Vivian
Friday, May 23, 2008
Divorce Mediation: Sometimes Timing Is Everything
Some couples decide they will try to reach a settlement before they file for divorce, and engage in mediation only to find they cannot come to any agreement. Other couples are never able to mediate any issue, and end up with a judgment after months (sometimes a year or two) in litigation. In between, there are those who attempt mediation at one point, reach no agreement at first but do so at a later time short of the trial date.
What is the difference between them? And, if you want to avoid the emotional and financial impact of divorce litigation, how can you tell when you can benefit from mediating your divorce before filing for divorce at your local courthouse?
To answer these two questions, it may help you to determine what degree of trust you and your spouse still have for each other.
A certain (minimum) degree of trust between parties is important to any meaningful mediation, but more so in a family case because of the emotional ties between the parties.
Lack of trust alone can derail any mediation because the party lacking trust in the other will be weary during mediation negotiations. This can result in either a short mediation, where the distrusting party ends the mediation abruptly at the first sign of what he or she may perceive as the other party’s “game.” Or, it can also result in negotiations taking longer.
What’s more, even if a tentative mediation agreement seems to be taking shape, the distrusting spouse may doubt that the other will comply with the final agreement, and end mediation just before it seems like an agreement is a real possibility.
Depending on what leads to distrust, the passing of a bit of time may sometimes resolve the issue.
The best approach, however, is to acknowledge the feelings of the distrusting spouse (regardless of whether such distrust is justified), and to find objective references to measure compliance by either party. This allows the distrusting party to trust the process of mediation instead as well as the enforcement of the resulting agreement, if necessary down the line. This is so because the other party is not controlling the objective reference that will be used to decide whether he or she has complied with what was agreed, and thus the distrusting party doesn’t have to fear being manipulated by someone in whom they have little or no trust left.
Parties who are mutually distrustful and have chosen divorce litigation as their first step may still have a chance to mediate a divorce agreement successfully. This may come after spending months in litigation, with each party tapping and depleting their marital resources to fight each other. In this instance, at least in Florida divorce courts, they will have a chance to settle before going to trial because Florida courts require all parties to go to mediation before trial. In some instances, these cases settle out of sheer financial exhausting, so to speak. Of course, there are still those who do not and proceed all the way to trial and final judgment from the judge in their case.
Ask yourself where you are in terms of trusting your spouse. Then ask yourself where you think your spouse is in terms of trusting you. The answers here can guide you in deciding when you should go to mediation. Of course, in a Florida divorce, if you have already been ordered to go to mediation and the trial date has been set, there may be little you can do to postpone the mediation.
Vivian
fldivorcemediation.com
What is the difference between them? And, if you want to avoid the emotional and financial impact of divorce litigation, how can you tell when you can benefit from mediating your divorce before filing for divorce at your local courthouse?
To answer these two questions, it may help you to determine what degree of trust you and your spouse still have for each other.
A certain (minimum) degree of trust between parties is important to any meaningful mediation, but more so in a family case because of the emotional ties between the parties.
Lack of trust alone can derail any mediation because the party lacking trust in the other will be weary during mediation negotiations. This can result in either a short mediation, where the distrusting party ends the mediation abruptly at the first sign of what he or she may perceive as the other party’s “game.” Or, it can also result in negotiations taking longer.
What’s more, even if a tentative mediation agreement seems to be taking shape, the distrusting spouse may doubt that the other will comply with the final agreement, and end mediation just before it seems like an agreement is a real possibility.
Depending on what leads to distrust, the passing of a bit of time may sometimes resolve the issue.
The best approach, however, is to acknowledge the feelings of the distrusting spouse (regardless of whether such distrust is justified), and to find objective references to measure compliance by either party. This allows the distrusting party to trust the process of mediation instead as well as the enforcement of the resulting agreement, if necessary down the line. This is so because the other party is not controlling the objective reference that will be used to decide whether he or she has complied with what was agreed, and thus the distrusting party doesn’t have to fear being manipulated by someone in whom they have little or no trust left.
Parties who are mutually distrustful and have chosen divorce litigation as their first step may still have a chance to mediate a divorce agreement successfully. This may come after spending months in litigation, with each party tapping and depleting their marital resources to fight each other. In this instance, at least in Florida divorce courts, they will have a chance to settle before going to trial because Florida courts require all parties to go to mediation before trial. In some instances, these cases settle out of sheer financial exhausting, so to speak. Of course, there are still those who do not and proceed all the way to trial and final judgment from the judge in their case.
Ask yourself where you are in terms of trusting your spouse. Then ask yourself where you think your spouse is in terms of trusting you. The answers here can guide you in deciding when you should go to mediation. Of course, in a Florida divorce, if you have already been ordered to go to mediation and the trial date has been set, there may be little you can do to postpone the mediation.
Vivian
fldivorcemediation.com
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Mediation Procedure: Ins and Outs of a Mediation
If you're thinking of using family mediation to resolve your divorce, and are representing yourself, it helps to know what an actual mediation might look like.
What follows is a short descrption of what happens in mediation. It does not contain any facts; it's a description of the mediation process to give you some ideas to try on for size in deciding whether you want to take advantage of mediation to resolve family disputes. It is for parties who may decide to represent themselves in reaching an agreement.
Divorce mediation can take place before you file in family court or after you've done so in a case where the parties will be representing themselves.
Mediation is less formal than a court proceeding. Once the parties have decided to use the mediation process, they simply choose a family mediator, contact the family mediator's office for information and to set an appointment to begin the process.
Mediation can take place at the mediator's office or at any other place that will provide a comfortable and confidential environment for the parties to communicate.
At any time prior to the mediation, the parties may provide information to the mediator regarding the parties and issues. This information can be provided in any form, from a simple letter to longer documents. Even if no information is provided, the mediation can take place since each party will be able to make a presentation of their side at the start of mediation.
Usually at the start of the mediation, the parties and the mediator meet in the same room. The mediator goes through a brief introduction of him or herself, the mediation process, including the confidential aspects of the mediation, and some ground rules to ensure an orderly and courteous session.
In some instances, however, depending on the relationship of the parties at that point or by request of the parties, the mediator may suggest separate introductions. (In relationships in which domestic violence has occurred or there is an injunction, the process will be different, and is not addressed here).
Even when the parties' relationship may allow for an entire joint mediation, they may prefer separate meetings with the mediator at some point. A separate meeting of the mediator and one party is known as a caucus. The duration of a caucus is dictated by the negotiations between the parties. But, regardless of how long the mediator spends meeting with one or the other party in caucus, the mediator remains neutral and a long caucus does not mean that the mediator prefers one or the other; it's just part of the mediation process generally. Communication between the mediator and one party while in caucus are also subject to confidentiality unless the party meeting with the mediator waives that confidentiality.
Mediation may consist of one session or multiple sessions, depending how complex are the issues between the parties, and the likelihood that further sessions will be productive and may lead to an agreement between the parties. The parties themselves are the ones who decide whether they will continue with additional sessions. When more than one session is necessary, the mediation is simply continued from one day to another date chosen by the parties with the mediator.
Mediation may end in an agreement or an impasse. If a divorce mediation agreement is reached, it is typically typed, reviewed and signed by the parties at the conclusion of the mediation session where the agreement is reached.
If the parties decide that no further negotiations will lead to a mediated divorce agreement, whether on all or some issues, then the mediator declares an impasse. In this instance, there is nothing else for the mediator to do, and the mediation is ended.
If you're still undecided as to mediation being a good choice for you, you may need to find more information on the topic. You can browse the other entries here or visit the website.
Vivian
www.fldivorcemediation.com
What follows is a short descrption of what happens in mediation. It does not contain any facts; it's a description of the mediation process to give you some ideas to try on for size in deciding whether you want to take advantage of mediation to resolve family disputes. It is for parties who may decide to represent themselves in reaching an agreement.
Divorce mediation can take place before you file in family court or after you've done so in a case where the parties will be representing themselves.
Mediation is less formal than a court proceeding. Once the parties have decided to use the mediation process, they simply choose a family mediator, contact the family mediator's office for information and to set an appointment to begin the process.
Mediation can take place at the mediator's office or at any other place that will provide a comfortable and confidential environment for the parties to communicate.
At any time prior to the mediation, the parties may provide information to the mediator regarding the parties and issues. This information can be provided in any form, from a simple letter to longer documents. Even if no information is provided, the mediation can take place since each party will be able to make a presentation of their side at the start of mediation.
Usually at the start of the mediation, the parties and the mediator meet in the same room. The mediator goes through a brief introduction of him or herself, the mediation process, including the confidential aspects of the mediation, and some ground rules to ensure an orderly and courteous session.
In some instances, however, depending on the relationship of the parties at that point or by request of the parties, the mediator may suggest separate introductions. (In relationships in which domestic violence has occurred or there is an injunction, the process will be different, and is not addressed here).
Even when the parties' relationship may allow for an entire joint mediation, they may prefer separate meetings with the mediator at some point. A separate meeting of the mediator and one party is known as a caucus. The duration of a caucus is dictated by the negotiations between the parties. But, regardless of how long the mediator spends meeting with one or the other party in caucus, the mediator remains neutral and a long caucus does not mean that the mediator prefers one or the other; it's just part of the mediation process generally. Communication between the mediator and one party while in caucus are also subject to confidentiality unless the party meeting with the mediator waives that confidentiality.
Mediation may consist of one session or multiple sessions, depending how complex are the issues between the parties, and the likelihood that further sessions will be productive and may lead to an agreement between the parties. The parties themselves are the ones who decide whether they will continue with additional sessions. When more than one session is necessary, the mediation is simply continued from one day to another date chosen by the parties with the mediator.
Mediation may end in an agreement or an impasse. If a divorce mediation agreement is reached, it is typically typed, reviewed and signed by the parties at the conclusion of the mediation session where the agreement is reached.
If the parties decide that no further negotiations will lead to a mediated divorce agreement, whether on all or some issues, then the mediator declares an impasse. In this instance, there is nothing else for the mediator to do, and the mediation is ended.
If you're still undecided as to mediation being a good choice for you, you may need to find more information on the topic. You can browse the other entries here or visit the website.
Vivian
www.fldivorcemediation.com
Monday, May 5, 2008
Will Your Mediated Agreement Really Work For You?
There is a way to measure how beneficial a mediated agreement will be for you. But to know it, you must do some work before the actual mediation session, whether on your own or with your attorney if you have legal representation.
This pre-mediation work will save you time, money and heartache after you've signed a mediated agreement, when you may begin to experience serious doubts about having done so.
First, know what it is you're trying to accomplish in terms of resolving the specific issues. This goes beyond just "getting it over," especially if you're already in court and you think the process has been expensive and long. It means analyzing your best and worst case scenario if you had to file a lawsuit or if you're going to trial.
This part of your pre-mediation work includes not only the legal costs associated with the legal system (lawyers, experts, etc), but also the cost of a particular decision you do not want but could still be a possibility if you go to trial, and which may have costly consequences-whether in terms of money or otherwise--for you.
Second, for each of the issues in dispute, create a bottom line for you to use in a negotiation. This will let you analyze the alternatives that may be offered during mediation. It will give you a yardstick against which to measure a particular result that at first glance may seem attractive.
Third, understand that your opposing side may have done the same analysis--at least if they're serious about reaching a resolution. So it is in your best interest to do a similar analysis of their side of the issues. If you, too, are serious about reaching a resolution, you will have a better idea--not a certain idea, just a better idea-of what may be acceptable to them and can negotiate accordingly.
Throughout your analysis you should be evaluating which are the issues that are less important for you. Use those to bargain for a better position for you on those issues that matter more to you.
This analysis is applicable for any kind of dispute resolution, including divorces, post-divorce issues such as changes in custody arrangements, division of property, contract disputes, landlord-tenant disputes, etc.
All of the above may sound like a lot of work in preparation for a mediation. But if you understand the alternatives to a mediated agreement--expensive litigation for the opportunity to have a stranger (a judge) make the decision for you--you may find that this is truly a more advantageous process for you because you have the opportunity to participate, along with the other side, in creating a more palatable or acceptable solution. That is the true benefit and measure of a mediated agreement for you.
Vivian
www.fldivorcemediation.com
This pre-mediation work will save you time, money and heartache after you've signed a mediated agreement, when you may begin to experience serious doubts about having done so.
First, know what it is you're trying to accomplish in terms of resolving the specific issues. This goes beyond just "getting it over," especially if you're already in court and you think the process has been expensive and long. It means analyzing your best and worst case scenario if you had to file a lawsuit or if you're going to trial.
This part of your pre-mediation work includes not only the legal costs associated with the legal system (lawyers, experts, etc), but also the cost of a particular decision you do not want but could still be a possibility if you go to trial, and which may have costly consequences-whether in terms of money or otherwise--for you.
Second, for each of the issues in dispute, create a bottom line for you to use in a negotiation. This will let you analyze the alternatives that may be offered during mediation. It will give you a yardstick against which to measure a particular result that at first glance may seem attractive.
Third, understand that your opposing side may have done the same analysis--at least if they're serious about reaching a resolution. So it is in your best interest to do a similar analysis of their side of the issues. If you, too, are serious about reaching a resolution, you will have a better idea--not a certain idea, just a better idea-of what may be acceptable to them and can negotiate accordingly.
Throughout your analysis you should be evaluating which are the issues that are less important for you. Use those to bargain for a better position for you on those issues that matter more to you.
This analysis is applicable for any kind of dispute resolution, including divorces, post-divorce issues such as changes in custody arrangements, division of property, contract disputes, landlord-tenant disputes, etc.
All of the above may sound like a lot of work in preparation for a mediation. But if you understand the alternatives to a mediated agreement--expensive litigation for the opportunity to have a stranger (a judge) make the decision for you--you may find that this is truly a more advantageous process for you because you have the opportunity to participate, along with the other side, in creating a more palatable or acceptable solution. That is the true benefit and measure of a mediated agreement for you.
Vivian
www.fldivorcemediation.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
