Choosing a mediator to help you and your spouse mediate your divorce should be done with the same care as you would choose a lawyer, doctor or other professional.
The first step is as easy as asking your friends, family and acquaintances for a referral. If by chance they do not know anyone, then you can contact professional associations and state entities. Many states keep online rosters of certified mediators, and these let you sort based on geographical location. Try to obtain at least three mediators.
Next contact the individual mediators. While most people think price is king in terms of buying any service or product, there are many variables that add value to anything you buy, and mediation services are no different.
When contacting the mediator, ask about their approach to mediation, how you can best prepare for it. Determine whether you feel comfortable with the mediator you are speaking with--even on the telephone it is easy to build a rapport based on the ability to listen and answer questions, and to form an impression of the person you are speaking with. If you find yourself unable to form an opinion as to whether this person can help you and your spouse communicate better, then please keep looking.
Ask about the mediator's training and experience in mediating the types of issues you and your spouse need to resolve.
You and your spouse must both agree to using any one mediator. Regardless of which mediator you both choose, understand that his or her ability to help you will depend not only on their training, but on both of you being willing to maintain an open mind in considering possible solutions to your legal issues. Mediators are not magicians, but they are trained to look for, among other things, those small things that you both agree on that can be used to build a consensus or agreement leading to resolution.
To find a certified family mediator in Florida, visit the Mediator Search page of the Florida Supreme Court's Dispute Resolution Center, which allows you to search for mediators by different variables like geographical locations and other demographics.
Vivian Rodriguez
www.FlDivorceMediation.com
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Divorce & the Economy 2009
Many couples are finding it hard to get divorced with the current economic downturn. While it may be difficult to pay for the legal fees that usually accompany the dissolution of a marriage, it is good to know there are some alternatives that mey be suitable for any couple. These include using your state's forms for divorce or using mediation.
Practically all states have divorce forms you can use to do your own divorce. Many of these states also have help centers as part of their judicial system to help parties with the forms. In some states, you can download the forms for free; in others, you may have to pay a minimal fee. Since you do all of the work, there are no legal fees unless either of you wish to consult an attorney before using them or to review what you and your spouse have prepared. Of course, you will still have to pay for the filing fee charged by the court for starting the action, but even here you may be able make arrangements to pay the fee in installments since many states give you this option to pay filing fees.
A second option is to use mediation. If you've read any of the other entries in this blog, you know that mediation uses a third party neutral person to help a couple reach an agreement that takes care of all matters pending between the parties, including issues of child support, time-sharing, and division of property and debt. Because parties usually pay an equal portion of the mediator's fees, the cost of mediation is usually a lot less than the legal fees that would be incurred by the couple if each had an attorney representing them.
Both of these alternatives have always been available and have always made sense in the context of family divorce or post-divorce litigation. It's just that current economic conditions are forcing couples to consider them more closely and look at their situation in a more practical manner.
Practically all states have divorce forms you can use to do your own divorce. Many of these states also have help centers as part of their judicial system to help parties with the forms. In some states, you can download the forms for free; in others, you may have to pay a minimal fee. Since you do all of the work, there are no legal fees unless either of you wish to consult an attorney before using them or to review what you and your spouse have prepared. Of course, you will still have to pay for the filing fee charged by the court for starting the action, but even here you may be able make arrangements to pay the fee in installments since many states give you this option to pay filing fees.
A second option is to use mediation. If you've read any of the other entries in this blog, you know that mediation uses a third party neutral person to help a couple reach an agreement that takes care of all matters pending between the parties, including issues of child support, time-sharing, and division of property and debt. Because parties usually pay an equal portion of the mediator's fees, the cost of mediation is usually a lot less than the legal fees that would be incurred by the couple if each had an attorney representing them.
Both of these alternatives have always been available and have always made sense in the context of family divorce or post-divorce litigation. It's just that current economic conditions are forcing couples to consider them more closely and look at their situation in a more practical manner.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Watch & Listen to these Divorce Judges
If you have been visiting this blog or surfing the net looking for information on divorce or divorce mediation, then you've probably come across quite a bit of information from family mediators. But don't listen to us, see for yourself what divorce judges say about ways of getting your divorce done with a minimum of stress and cost.
The Indiana Supreme Court has produced this video on two possible --and very different--outcomes to the same divorce: Lawson v. Lawson.
Watch and listen to the Judges tell you:
1- what they, as the judge sitting in on a divorce case, can do
2- what you can do
3- how your children and you are affected by the different outcomes
You'll also see a slice of mediation in action:
http://realvideo.ind.net:8080/ramgen/real/SupremeCourt/allen_adr.rm
Vivian
The Indiana Supreme Court has produced this video on two possible --and very different--outcomes to the same divorce: Lawson v. Lawson.
Watch and listen to the Judges tell you:
1- what they, as the judge sitting in on a divorce case, can do
2- what you can do
3- how your children and you are affected by the different outcomes
You'll also see a slice of mediation in action:
http://realvideo.ind.net:8080/ramgen/real/SupremeCourt/allen_adr.rm
Vivian
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Domestic Violence During the Holidays
It is sad that domestic violence happens at all, much less that it increases during a time that is supposed to be a celebration of fellowship and family.
According to The Missouri Bar, that is exactly what happens during the Holidays--as this page says, if you are a victim of domestic violence or know someone who is, please listen to this podcast, Law in your Life, http://www.mobarpodcast.org/2008/06/law-in-your-l-1.html.
In celebrating the Holidays we are usually caught up in the commercialization of the season. But there are many ways to make a gift that will positively impact the lives of many people. Consider making a donation for the holidays to organizations that seek to prevent domestic violence or help deal with the incredible toll left behind. For example, you can donate to the National Domestic Violence Hotline by visiting their website, http://www.ndvh.org/. And remember, no amount is too small for these organizations and every little bit helps.
According to The Missouri Bar, that is exactly what happens during the Holidays--as this page says, if you are a victim of domestic violence or know someone who is, please listen to this podcast, Law in your Life, http://www.mobarpodcast.org/2008/06/law-in-your-l-1.html.
In celebrating the Holidays we are usually caught up in the commercialization of the season. But there are many ways to make a gift that will positively impact the lives of many people. Consider making a donation for the holidays to organizations that seek to prevent domestic violence or help deal with the incredible toll left behind. For example, you can donate to the National Domestic Violence Hotline by visiting their website, http://www.ndvh.org/. And remember, no amount is too small for these organizations and every little bit helps.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Children Benefit When You Don't Litigate
For couples with children, mediation and collaborative law provide the best options for achieving a divorce while at the same time being able to maintain a relationship once the divorce decree is entered.
Being able to work together to continue to parent children after a divorce is more difficult if you are engaged in litigation. Because litigation is adversarial and can bring out our least attractive qualities, many parents find it takes some time after a litigated divorce to be able to work civilly, even when it comes to issues affecting the children. In some cases, parties are never able to leave their resentments for each other behind, leaving their post-divorce relationship stuck in the adversarial rut and inadvertently placing the children in a difficult position.
Once the decision to get a divorce has been made, the quality of your relationship with your spouse need not necessarily change much when it comes to parenting if you make it a point to work on reaching an agreement that is mutually satisfying and takes into account the long-term impact for your children.
Much has been written about the wisdom (or lack thereof) of staying in a marriage for the children's sake. But this isn't an either/or situation. There are always ways of accomplishing a divorce while at the same time doing as much as possible to safeguard good relations between the parents.
Mediation or collaborative law allow you to continue laying the groundwork for working together and in the best interest of your children. There is no reason why, if you were able to parent your children together, you cannot continue to do so after the divorce.
Being able to work together to continue to parent children after a divorce is more difficult if you are engaged in litigation. Because litigation is adversarial and can bring out our least attractive qualities, many parents find it takes some time after a litigated divorce to be able to work civilly, even when it comes to issues affecting the children. In some cases, parties are never able to leave their resentments for each other behind, leaving their post-divorce relationship stuck in the adversarial rut and inadvertently placing the children in a difficult position.
Once the decision to get a divorce has been made, the quality of your relationship with your spouse need not necessarily change much when it comes to parenting if you make it a point to work on reaching an agreement that is mutually satisfying and takes into account the long-term impact for your children.
Much has been written about the wisdom (or lack thereof) of staying in a marriage for the children's sake. But this isn't an either/or situation. There are always ways of accomplishing a divorce while at the same time doing as much as possible to safeguard good relations between the parents.
Mediation or collaborative law allow you to continue laying the groundwork for working together and in the best interest of your children. There is no reason why, if you were able to parent your children together, you cannot continue to do so after the divorce.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Aggressive Divorce Attorneys and Mediation
Lately I've seen a few articles about this subject. Quite a few of them seem to imply that an aggressive attorney is not what you may want if you want to settle a divorce amicably through mediation or some other alternative dispute resolution method. The better articles give you advice on how to make sure you and your attorney are a match to solve your divorce issues.
Parties who look for aggressiveness as the distinguishing characteristic of a good divorce lawyer may miss out on the opportunity that a mediation settlement offers if the chosen attorney is unable to lay aside tactics that may work well in a litigation setting but which impede thoughtful negotiations during a mediation. This may lead to additional (and needless) expense and frustration as the divorce is litigated.
Being a good attorney is a combination of many things, chief among them is the ability to switch from aggressive litigator to aggressive negotiator, always keeping in mind the client's goals and interests. Good "aggressive divorce attorneys" are the ones that can switch back and forth to advance those interests and goals, depending on the situation. In other words, like good generals in a war, they are flexible and open to solutions that will best serve the client's interests and goals. Being aggressive for its own sake is a waste of time for everyone--and a waste of money for the client.
Parties who look for aggressiveness as the distinguishing characteristic of a good divorce lawyer may miss out on the opportunity that a mediation settlement offers if the chosen attorney is unable to lay aside tactics that may work well in a litigation setting but which impede thoughtful negotiations during a mediation. This may lead to additional (and needless) expense and frustration as the divorce is litigated.
Being a good attorney is a combination of many things, chief among them is the ability to switch from aggressive litigator to aggressive negotiator, always keeping in mind the client's goals and interests. Good "aggressive divorce attorneys" are the ones that can switch back and forth to advance those interests and goals, depending on the situation. In other words, like good generals in a war, they are flexible and open to solutions that will best serve the client's interests and goals. Being aggressive for its own sake is a waste of time for everyone--and a waste of money for the client.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Credit and Divorce
With the current global economic conditions, many couples are having a difficult time dealting with their debt. During a divorce, debt is one of the things that need to be carefully considered, discussed and resolved. In the US the real estate market has made it even more difficult for either party to keep the marital home or even to decide what to do with it because, frequently, more is owed on the home than what it is worth.
Here is an excellent article from The Rye & Battle Observer, in the United Kigdom addressing the issue of credit and divorce, and discussing some possible solutions. The topic is relevant to Us couples facing divorce and credit problems.
Here is an excellent article from The Rye & Battle Observer, in the United Kigdom addressing the issue of credit and divorce, and discussing some possible solutions. The topic is relevant to Us couples facing divorce and credit problems.
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