Divorce Mediation: Sometimes Timing Is Everything

Some couples decide they will try to reach a settlement before they file for divorce, and engage in mediation only to find they cannot come to any agreement. Other couples are never able to mediate any issue, and end up with a judgment after months (sometimes a year or two) in litigation. In between, there are those who attempt mediation at one point, reach no agreement at first but do so at a later time short of the trial date.

What is the difference between them? And, if you want to avoid the emotional and financial impact of divorce litigation, how can you tell when you can benefit from mediating your divorce before filing for divorce at your local courthouse?

To answer these two questions, it may help you to determine what degree of trust you and your spouse still have for each other.

A certain (minimum) degree of trust between parties is important to any meaningful mediation, but more so in a family case because of the emotional ties between the parties.

Lack of trust alone can derail any mediation because the party lacking trust in the other will be weary during mediation negotiations. This can result in either a short mediation, where the distrusting party ends the mediation abruptly at the first sign of what he or she may perceive as the other party’s “game.” Or, it can also result in negotiations taking longer.

What’s more, even if a tentative mediation agreement seems to be taking shape, the distrusting spouse may doubt that the other will comply with the final agreement, and end mediation just before it seems like an agreement is a real possibility.

Depending on what leads to distrust, the passing of a bit of time may sometimes resolve the issue.

The best approach, however, is to acknowledge the feelings of the distrusting spouse (regardless of whether such distrust is justified), and to find objective references to measure compliance by either party. This allows the distrusting party to trust the process of mediation instead as well as the enforcement of the resulting agreement, if necessary down the line. This is so because the other party is not controlling the objective reference that will be used to decide whether he or she has complied with what was agreed, and thus the distrusting party doesn’t have to fear being manipulated by someone in whom they have little or no trust left.

Parties who are mutually distrustful and have chosen divorce litigation as their first step may still have a chance to mediate a divorce agreement successfully. This may come after spending months in litigation, with each party tapping and depleting their marital resources to fight each other. In this instance, at least in Florida divorce courts, they will have a chance to settle before going to trial because Florida courts require all parties to go to mediation before trial. In some instances, these cases settle out of sheer financial exhausting, so to speak. Of course, there are still those who do not and proceed all the way to trial and final judgment from the judge in their case.

Ask yourself where you are in terms of trusting your spouse. Then ask yourself where you think your spouse is in terms of trusting you. The answers here can guide you in deciding when you should go to mediation. Of course, in a Florida divorce, if you have already been ordered to go to mediation and the trial date has been set, there may be little you can do to postpone the mediation.

Vivian
fldivorcemediation.com