It is sad that domestic violence happens at all, much less that it increases during a time that is supposed to be a celebration of fellowship and family.
According to The Missouri Bar, that is exactly what happens during the Holidays--as this page says, if you are a victim of domestic violence or know someone who is, please listen to this podcast, Law in your Life, http://www.mobarpodcast.org/2008/06/law-in-your-l-1.html.
In celebrating the Holidays we are usually caught up in the commercialization of the season. But there are many ways to make a gift that will positively impact the lives of many people. Consider making a donation for the holidays to organizations that seek to prevent domestic violence or help deal with the incredible toll left behind. For example, you can donate to the National Domestic Violence Hotline by visiting their website, http://www.ndvh.org/. And remember, no amount is too small for these organizations and every little bit helps.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Children Benefit When You Don't Litigate
For couples with children, mediation and collaborative law provide the best options for achieving a divorce while at the same time being able to maintain a relationship once the divorce decree is entered.
Being able to work together to continue to parent children after a divorce is more difficult if you are engaged in litigation. Because litigation is adversarial and can bring out our least attractive qualities, many parents find it takes some time after a litigated divorce to be able to work civilly, even when it comes to issues affecting the children. In some cases, parties are never able to leave their resentments for each other behind, leaving their post-divorce relationship stuck in the adversarial rut and inadvertently placing the children in a difficult position.
Once the decision to get a divorce has been made, the quality of your relationship with your spouse need not necessarily change much when it comes to parenting if you make it a point to work on reaching an agreement that is mutually satisfying and takes into account the long-term impact for your children.
Much has been written about the wisdom (or lack thereof) of staying in a marriage for the children's sake. But this isn't an either/or situation. There are always ways of accomplishing a divorce while at the same time doing as much as possible to safeguard good relations between the parents.
Mediation or collaborative law allow you to continue laying the groundwork for working together and in the best interest of your children. There is no reason why, if you were able to parent your children together, you cannot continue to do so after the divorce.
Being able to work together to continue to parent children after a divorce is more difficult if you are engaged in litigation. Because litigation is adversarial and can bring out our least attractive qualities, many parents find it takes some time after a litigated divorce to be able to work civilly, even when it comes to issues affecting the children. In some cases, parties are never able to leave their resentments for each other behind, leaving their post-divorce relationship stuck in the adversarial rut and inadvertently placing the children in a difficult position.
Once the decision to get a divorce has been made, the quality of your relationship with your spouse need not necessarily change much when it comes to parenting if you make it a point to work on reaching an agreement that is mutually satisfying and takes into account the long-term impact for your children.
Much has been written about the wisdom (or lack thereof) of staying in a marriage for the children's sake. But this isn't an either/or situation. There are always ways of accomplishing a divorce while at the same time doing as much as possible to safeguard good relations between the parents.
Mediation or collaborative law allow you to continue laying the groundwork for working together and in the best interest of your children. There is no reason why, if you were able to parent your children together, you cannot continue to do so after the divorce.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Aggressive Divorce Attorneys and Mediation
Lately I've seen a few articles about this subject. Quite a few of them seem to imply that an aggressive attorney is not what you may want if you want to settle a divorce amicably through mediation or some other alternative dispute resolution method. The better articles give you advice on how to make sure you and your attorney are a match to solve your divorce issues.
Parties who look for aggressiveness as the distinguishing characteristic of a good divorce lawyer may miss out on the opportunity that a mediation settlement offers if the chosen attorney is unable to lay aside tactics that may work well in a litigation setting but which impede thoughtful negotiations during a mediation. This may lead to additional (and needless) expense and frustration as the divorce is litigated.
Being a good attorney is a combination of many things, chief among them is the ability to switch from aggressive litigator to aggressive negotiator, always keeping in mind the client's goals and interests. Good "aggressive divorce attorneys" are the ones that can switch back and forth to advance those interests and goals, depending on the situation. In other words, like good generals in a war, they are flexible and open to solutions that will best serve the client's interests and goals. Being aggressive for its own sake is a waste of time for everyone--and a waste of money for the client.
Parties who look for aggressiveness as the distinguishing characteristic of a good divorce lawyer may miss out on the opportunity that a mediation settlement offers if the chosen attorney is unable to lay aside tactics that may work well in a litigation setting but which impede thoughtful negotiations during a mediation. This may lead to additional (and needless) expense and frustration as the divorce is litigated.
Being a good attorney is a combination of many things, chief among them is the ability to switch from aggressive litigator to aggressive negotiator, always keeping in mind the client's goals and interests. Good "aggressive divorce attorneys" are the ones that can switch back and forth to advance those interests and goals, depending on the situation. In other words, like good generals in a war, they are flexible and open to solutions that will best serve the client's interests and goals. Being aggressive for its own sake is a waste of time for everyone--and a waste of money for the client.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Credit and Divorce
With the current global economic conditions, many couples are having a difficult time dealting with their debt. During a divorce, debt is one of the things that need to be carefully considered, discussed and resolved. In the US the real estate market has made it even more difficult for either party to keep the marital home or even to decide what to do with it because, frequently, more is owed on the home than what it is worth.
Here is an excellent article from The Rye & Battle Observer, in the United Kigdom addressing the issue of credit and divorce, and discussing some possible solutions. The topic is relevant to Us couples facing divorce and credit problems.
Here is an excellent article from The Rye & Battle Observer, in the United Kigdom addressing the issue of credit and divorce, and discussing some possible solutions. The topic is relevant to Us couples facing divorce and credit problems.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
A-Rod's Divorce Settlement Shows He's No "Dumb" Jock
It seems that baseball great Alex Rodriguez (or A-Rod as he is commonly known) knows a lot about others things besides baseball. Regardless of whether you follow the game, you have probably heard that back on July 7, 2008, A-Rod's Wife, Cynthia Rodriguez, filed for divorce in Miami, Florida.
This is the kind of divorce that had everything divorces usually need to turn into an ugly war: lots of money, including expensive homes in different states, lucrative contract rights; allegations of infidelity; a prenuptial agreement; high-priced lawyers; and last-but most important-children.
On September 18, 2008, the parties announced they had entered into a divorce settlement. As a family lawyer in Miami, Florida, I can tell you that, barring a sudden change of heart by either of them, A-Rod's divorce should be final about two weeks after the date the settlement was announced. If so, then from the date the divorce was filed until the date of the final hearing, A-Rod's divorce would have taken a grand-total of about three months from beginning to end.
So why are there people with a lot less money than A-Rod, and probably with no infidelity or even a prenuptial agreement or high-priced lawyers, languishing in divorce court for long periods of time, sometimes two or more years?
The answer lies in what they were interested in accomplishing first, and then working on the "how" to achieve what they were interested in. I'm not related to nor do I know what the Rodriguezes were thinking. But I can quote you their words as read by their attorneys in a joint press statement: "All of their decisions were based upon and guided by the best interests of their daughters."
That sentence says it all. Children and divorce: they are a great, and probably the strongest, reason to settle.
There is also the matter of legal fees. A-Rod may be rich, but I'm willing to bet that he would like to keep his money and not pay it out to attorneys and other experts. And Cynthia Rodriguez may feel the same way. The more they fight about financial issues, more they will spend on legal fees. Concentrating on finding ways to agree makes it less likely that they will become hurtful toward each other, and also less likely to make petty remarks that make it impossible for them to communicate about what they care most about and will always be linked by-their children.
Then there is the publicity. You may not be famous, but guess what? Most divorce records are usually public records, which means anyone can read your divorce file; it's just that it might not make the front page of a newspaper. There is no privacy in these matters.
A-Rod knows about baseball. But he also seems to know what's in his best interest and that of his children. And Cynthia Rodriguez knows her best interests as well-which in her case includes an interest in being financially secure after the divorce-- and that of her children -. She could have easily fallen into the trap of playing the "betrayed wife" and let the hurt and anger that usually accompanies such a label guide her through a long litigation process. She didn't.
To be able to settle, your interests don't have to always match. Each of you need only accept what the other party is interested in achieving or concerned about and then find ways to get it done so each one's interest is addressed. You can settle using your attorneys or using a mediator. To see what you face in divorce court when you go to trial, get this free Divorce Court Report.
This is the kind of divorce that had everything divorces usually need to turn into an ugly war: lots of money, including expensive homes in different states, lucrative contract rights; allegations of infidelity; a prenuptial agreement; high-priced lawyers; and last-but most important-children.
On September 18, 2008, the parties announced they had entered into a divorce settlement. As a family lawyer in Miami, Florida, I can tell you that, barring a sudden change of heart by either of them, A-Rod's divorce should be final about two weeks after the date the settlement was announced. If so, then from the date the divorce was filed until the date of the final hearing, A-Rod's divorce would have taken a grand-total of about three months from beginning to end.
So why are there people with a lot less money than A-Rod, and probably with no infidelity or even a prenuptial agreement or high-priced lawyers, languishing in divorce court for long periods of time, sometimes two or more years?
The answer lies in what they were interested in accomplishing first, and then working on the "how" to achieve what they were interested in. I'm not related to nor do I know what the Rodriguezes were thinking. But I can quote you their words as read by their attorneys in a joint press statement: "All of their decisions were based upon and guided by the best interests of their daughters."
That sentence says it all. Children and divorce: they are a great, and probably the strongest, reason to settle.
There is also the matter of legal fees. A-Rod may be rich, but I'm willing to bet that he would like to keep his money and not pay it out to attorneys and other experts. And Cynthia Rodriguez may feel the same way. The more they fight about financial issues, more they will spend on legal fees. Concentrating on finding ways to agree makes it less likely that they will become hurtful toward each other, and also less likely to make petty remarks that make it impossible for them to communicate about what they care most about and will always be linked by-their children.
Then there is the publicity. You may not be famous, but guess what? Most divorce records are usually public records, which means anyone can read your divorce file; it's just that it might not make the front page of a newspaper. There is no privacy in these matters.
A-Rod knows about baseball. But he also seems to know what's in his best interest and that of his children. And Cynthia Rodriguez knows her best interests as well-which in her case includes an interest in being financially secure after the divorce-- and that of her children -. She could have easily fallen into the trap of playing the "betrayed wife" and let the hurt and anger that usually accompanies such a label guide her through a long litigation process. She didn't.
To be able to settle, your interests don't have to always match. Each of you need only accept what the other party is interested in achieving or concerned about and then find ways to get it done so each one's interest is addressed. You can settle using your attorneys or using a mediator. To see what you face in divorce court when you go to trial, get this free Divorce Court Report.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Taking Care of the Children While Getting Divorced
If you're a parent getting divorce, it is difficult to concentrate on what's best for your children as you go through rollercoater emotions, and deal with frustration.
The bottom line is that children need help in coping with a divorce as much as (or more than) you do. Children don't have the skills to cope with their fear of the unknown, and cannot just walk away from a bad situation--they depend on you.
Mediation provides a great opportunity to settle your divorce differences as quickly as possible with a minimum of fallout for the children. But until you get to mediation or through a trial, things can get pretty difficult for you and your children.
I recently shared these resources with my newsletter subscribers to help them and their children while in the middle of a divorce--or even after the divorce:
Ten Tips For Divorcing Parents, courtesy of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
5 Simple Steps: Kids need help when parents divorce, from the Rochester, MN, Post-Bullentin.
This is information that than can help you help your children during the divorce or afterwards, and even help you focus on finding solutions to the divorce issues.
Share this list with your soon-to-be Ex-spouse, you'll both be glad and your children will love you the more for it.
Post your comments on the above resources, or suggest others you've found helpful.
Vivian
www.fldivorcemediation.com
www.viviancrodriguez.com
The bottom line is that children need help in coping with a divorce as much as (or more than) you do. Children don't have the skills to cope with their fear of the unknown, and cannot just walk away from a bad situation--they depend on you.
Mediation provides a great opportunity to settle your divorce differences as quickly as possible with a minimum of fallout for the children. But until you get to mediation or through a trial, things can get pretty difficult for you and your children.
I recently shared these resources with my newsletter subscribers to help them and their children while in the middle of a divorce--or even after the divorce:
Ten Tips For Divorcing Parents, courtesy of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
5 Simple Steps: Kids need help when parents divorce, from the Rochester, MN, Post-Bullentin.
This is information that than can help you help your children during the divorce or afterwards, and even help you focus on finding solutions to the divorce issues.
Share this list with your soon-to-be Ex-spouse, you'll both be glad and your children will love you the more for it.
Post your comments on the above resources, or suggest others you've found helpful.
Vivian
www.fldivorcemediation.com
www.viviancrodriguez.com
Monday, June 16, 2008
Changes to Florida's Custody Statute in 2008
As a family mediator, I am excited by the recent changes to Florida's "custody statute."
The Florida Legislature amended Section 61.13, which was formerly titled "Custody and Support of Children." In doing so, it did away with the word "custody" and the terms "primary residential parent" and "noncustodial parent."
I am hopeful that since parents now don't have to fight about those dreaded labels, it just might be easier to come up with a "time sharing plan."
You can see the changes at http://laws.flrules.org/files/Ch_2008-061.pdf. It takes effect on Oct 1, 2008.
What do you think? Are these changes a good thing? Or will people "fight" anyway?
Post your comments and questions here.
Vivian
fldivorcemediation.com
The Florida Legislature amended Section 61.13, which was formerly titled "Custody and Support of Children." In doing so, it did away with the word "custody" and the terms "primary residential parent" and "noncustodial parent."
I am hopeful that since parents now don't have to fight about those dreaded labels, it just might be easier to come up with a "time sharing plan."
You can see the changes at http://laws.flrules.org/files/Ch_2008-061.pdf. It takes effect on Oct 1, 2008.
What do you think? Are these changes a good thing? Or will people "fight" anyway?
Post your comments and questions here.
Vivian
fldivorcemediation.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
